Beyond The Veil
by LindsayC173
Summary: What happens when Snape finally joins Lily? Can they put the past behind them, and can he finally find the redemption he has been seeking?


**A/N: Found this on my computer today. I started it months and months ago but never quite got round to finishing and uploading it. Let me know what you think!**

**Beyond The Veil**

_Something more than blood was leaking from Snape. Silvery blue, neither gas nor liquid, it gushed from his mouth and his ears and his eyes, and Harry knew what it was, but did not know what to do – _

_A flask, conjured from thin air was thrust into his shaking hands by Hermione. Harry lifted the silvery substance into it with his wand. When the flask was full to the brim, and Snape looked as though there was no blood left in him, his grip on Harry's robes slackened._

'_Look . . . at . . . me . . .' he whispered._

_The green eyes found the black, but after a second something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, blank and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more. _

_**Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, Page 528**_

The dark eyes flickered open again, but the green ones were gone. Instead there was white. The pain was gone, and he felt calmer than he had in a long time. Calmer, and younger, and lighter, and more at peace. At peace. That was something he hadn't felt since . . . since _her._ At that he sat up. Could she be here? He never felt like this unless she was around. She wasn't. He was alone. He sighed in disappointment . . . but he wasn't disappointed. He had sighed . . . through habit perhaps? Because he expected to be disappointed? But he wasn't. Why wasn't he? Didn't he want to see her? Cautiously, he probed his feelings, searching for an answer.

_I don't care. _The thought appeared, unbidden, in his mind, startling him. That was what had kept him going all this time, wasn't it? The thought that, once it was finally over, once the end finally came, he would see her again. And yet, he suddenly knew he didn't need to see her. The love was still there – of course it was, how could a love such as his ever be gone? – but the craving, the need, the obsession wasn't. He was at peace.

Slowly, he looked around. His first impression was purely of whiteness, as it had been when he first opened his eyes, but as he looked again something changed. There were colours in the white, and figures. As though obscured by mist or fog, they were only half visible, but he could see them moving and, as he concentrated a little more, laughter and voices reached his ears, drifting through the still air. Captivated, he watched them, transfixed by the pure happiness they conveyed. It was something so innocent, so beautiful, so unlike anything he could ever remember seeing in life – except perhaps, once or twice, in _her _eyes – and he couldn't tear his eyes away. And yet he made no move to join them. This wasn't something he belonged to. Someone like him – someone impure, broken, tarnished – could never be part of that.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone moving towards him. A solitary figure, taking shape and becoming solid as it grew closer. He watched it as it took form, and then gasped as he recognised the messy dark hair; the confident, easy swagger; the casual grin. James Potter.

Throughout his life Severus Snape had felt many things towards James Potter. Anger, fear, frustration, envy, hatred, resentment, and revulsion: all had been present at some point – in fact, at many points – but somehow none could be drawn on at that moment. Such emotions didn't belong in a place like this. All he could feel was a sort of numbness and . . . regret. Yes, that was it, regret. When had it all gone so wrong? His life had been supposed to be so much better than it had.

In silence, the two men stared at each other, Snape still sitting on the ground and James standing above him. James had grown up, Snape noticed, though his face showed no sign of having aged. His eyes were kinder, and his features were softer, mellower. No longer was he the arrogant boy who had drawn pleasure from making a schoolmate miserable. He had seen and done many things since then, and, most importantly, he had fallen in love with Lily since then. She had that effect on people. Made them better, or perhaps she just revealed the beauty already present in them. Thinking of Lily, a single tear rolled down Snape's face. James didn't seem to notice. He was gazing into the distance, regrets clouding his own eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "For everything."

"You're sorry?" Snape repeated, a little incredulously, "You're sorry? After everything ... you say you're _sorry, _and because you're James Potter I ought to thrilled that you're bothering to say it all and just forgive everything?"

"No, I ..." James looked a little surprised. He had evidently been expecting Snape to be grateful for the apology. "I've been watching you ... watching the way you looked after Harry. I owe you so much, and after everything I did ... I didn't deserve that."

"I didn't do it for you. It was for her."

"I know. And I'm sorry for that, too. I'm sorry for being the one to ruin your friendship with her." He really did look sorry, but even Snape couldn't allow James to accept responsibility for that.

"That wasn't you. I ruined that friendship all on my own." James nodded, accepting that perhaps this was true.

"We were both pretty stupid, weren't we?" he said, "I don't know why Lily put up with either of us for so long. She deserved better, but for some reason she chose us."

"She chose _you_," Snape corrected. James shook his head.

"She always considered you her best friend," he said, "Even years later, when you hadn't spoken for so long and she knew you'd joined the Death Eaters. She may – for whatever strange reason – have fallen in love with me, but you always had a special place in her heart that even I couldn't fill."

There was nothing Snape could say to that. This new, honest James Potter wasn't someone he could hold a grudge against, not really. They were both adults now, and it was time they started acting like it. And hearing that Lily didn't hate him after all ... well how could he hate the man who had told him that? Another tear rolled down his cheek.

"I really am sorry," James said.

"So am I," Snape replied, brushing the tear away. Never in his life had he expected James Potter to apologise to him, and never before had he imagined actually accepting that apology, never mind admitting that he owed an apology on return. And yet, here they were. And somehow, in seven words, everything was resolved. Not forgotten, but certainly forgiven.

"Come on," James stretched out his hand and Snape took it, allowing himself to be pulled up. Reluctantly, he followed James through the mist to where other people milled around. Laughing, talking, smiling, they wandered aimlessly though one another as though they had all the time in the world which, to be honest, they did. Nobody frowned; nobody yelled or argued; nobody cried. Here and there Snape spotted someone looking slightly worried or concerned, but on the whole it seemed negative emotions didn't belong here. There was an atmosphere of calm, and a sense that nothing could go wrong.

After a few minutes – or hours, or seconds, he wasn't sure; time seemed to flow differently here – they came across a group of people he knew well. Sirius Black was there as well as, strangely, Peter Pettigrew. Then again, he supposed, _he_ was there. Forgiveness was easier here, unhindered by the clumsy, exaggerated emotions of life. If the various former Order members and old schoolmates could forgive Peter, as well as James, Sirius and Lily, why shouldn't Snape?

Lily. It took him a moment to register that she was there. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, head bowed and eyes closed, his view was at first obscured by the group of people standing around her.

"Why is she sitting like that?" he asked James.

"If she closes her eyes she can watch Harry," James explained quietly, "We've been checking on him regularly his entire life, but since the beginning of this year she's barely opened her eyes."

She opened them now. Perhaps she sensed Snape's presence. Perhaps she heard James speaking and realised someone new had arrived. Perhaps she decided Harry was safe for the next few minutes. Whatever her reason, Snape was suddenly confronted by a pair of sparkling green eyes, tears glistening on her eyelashes.

"Sev," she breathed, "Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"I …" He didn't know what to say. He wanted to say that he'd done it all for her, and that he was sorry for everything he'd done before that, but somehow the words just wouldn't come. She seemed to understand.

"I've been watching everything you did for Harry," she said softly, "I know you did it for my sake. I never realised how you felt – back when we were at school."

"I love you, Lily," he said, and the relief at finally being able to say it to her washed over him.

"I know, Sev. I love you, too. Just not … not in the same way. You were my best friend, and you mean more to me than I can begin to explain, but I'm not _in _love with you. I'm in love with James." She slipped her arm around her husband's waist, and Snape waited for the usual surge of jealousy, but it didn't come.

"I know you are," he said eventually, "And I'm happy for you. I really am." As he said it, he realised he really meant it. He was happy that she was happy, and he was happy that he could be here with her, and her friendship was enough. More than enough. Perhaps that was all he'd ever really wanted. Perhaps he'd only been jealous of James because he thought he would steal Lily away from him. She'd been his only friend, but he hadn't been her only friend, and he'd always been scared that he wasn't good enough for her, and that one day she'd realise that and go off with her smart, popular, Gryffindor friends and leave him on his own.

So he'd become obsessed with keeping her to himself, and because she was the only good and beautiful thing in his dark and miserable world, he'd mistaken that obsession for being in love. And eventually he'd managed to trick himself into actually falling in love with her, but it had been a one-sided, possessive love, and not the kind that she could ever return. And gradually that had eaten away at him, making him angry and bitter and resentful. But now that was all over, and he could see everything clearly. It all made so much more sense now.

"Lily–" he began, turning back to her, eager to share this new realisation, but she was sitting on the ground again with her eyes closed, and James shook his head to indicate that she shouldn't be disturbed at the moment. In unspoken agreement, they all sat down with Lily, James on her right and Snape on her left, and closed their eyes too.

Instantly, Snape found himself hovering in Dumbledore's office, where Harry had just emerged from the Pensieve. He couldn't see Lily or any of the others, but he had no doubt that they were there with him, watching.

Slowly, Harry made his way down towards the Entrance Hall, and then out of the castle towards the Forbidden Forest. Snape found himself beginning to regret passing on Dumbledore's message. He didn't want Harry to join them all here, not yet. Freed from the biased and restrictive viewpoint his hatred of James had once given him, he could see what an incredibly brave and pure and selfless person Lily's son was, and he knew that it wasn't the right time for him to die. He had a whole life ahead of him, and he shouldn't have to give that up, even if it _was_ for the sake of the Wizarding World.

Then again, Dumbledore had always been right in the past, hadn't he?

Snape watched, transfixed, as the events played themselves out in front of his eyes. He watched as Harry seemed to die, but something in him knew it wasn't as straightforward as that. Now a spirit himself, he knew he would recognise a spirit leaving a body, and he knew that Harry's hadn't. Something had left, but it hadn't been his spirit.

Leaning in close to hear Narcissa's whisper, his belief was confirmed. Harry was still alive, though he still had no idea how.

When the battle began again, he found himself drifting around in search of Draco Malfoy, the boy Narcissa had lied to save. Now that he knew Harry was alright, he wanted to check on the person who'd been the closest to a son Snape had ever had. Draco may have made some stupid decisions, but Snape himself could understand that completely, and he remembered what Dumbledore had said about protecting Draco's soul. That – as much as anything else – had been a major reason for him eventually agreeing to kill Dumbledore, and he wanted to ensure that his sacrifice had not been in vain.

After discovering Draco hiding on the seventh floor, and establishing that he was fine, if a little shaken, Snape returned to the Great Hall in time for Harry's dramatic face-off with the Dark Lord. He listened, spellbound, as Harry laid out everything, fitting together the mysterious things Dumbledore had said and done in the past, and filling in the parts Snape hadn't understood. He found himself reluctantly admitting that Dumbledore had been right all along, and that Harry had been braver and more admirable that he could ever have begun to imagine.

And then came the climax of the great story, and Snape could see the relief in Harry's face as everything went as he had clearly only half believed it would.

And then it was over. Everyone was clapping and cheering and Harry was surrounded by friends and they could hardly believe that this time it really was over, but it was.

But Snape didn't open his eyes yet; he didn't return to the place where he now lived. He couldn't bring himself to leave this world behind for good just yet. He wanted to check that Harry was going to be okay. The boy had done something no one had ever believed possible, and along the way he had experienced things no boy of his age should have to cope with, and it was hard to see how he'd go on with his life after that.

Snape realised he regretted not taking the the time to get to know this incredible young man as an actual person – and not simply the son of the woman he loved and the man he hated – when he was still alive, and the least he could do know was check that Harry was going to be alright.

So he watched as Harry was embraced by what seemed like the entire school, all of whom wanted to thank him and congratulate him and just generally be near him. He watched as Harry's eccentric Ravenclaw friend created a distraction, and he watched as Harry slipped out of the Hall with his two best friends. He watched as Harry explained everything to the two of them, and he watched the way they listened to him and the way he seemed to need them. And that gave him his answer. Harry would be fine, because he had Ron and Hermione. Snape had never particularly liked either of them, but he couldn't deny that they were two truly amazing teenagers, and that Harry would have fallen apart a long time ago.

And as he watched, Snape realised something else. He saw Hermione's hand slip into Ron's, and he saw Harry grin tiredly as he noticed. But then, a little while later, Hermione took Harry's hand too, and they walked like that, all three linked together. There was no doubt that, where there was romance between Ron and Hermione, Harry and Hermione held hands merely through friendship. There was nothing else there – only friendship – but Snape could see no hint of jealousy in Harry's eyes. He didn't resent Ron for having a relationship with Hermione that Harry could never have. He didn't worry that Ron would steal his friend away from him. Their bond of friendship was as strong as the bond of love between her and Ron, if not stronger.

_That's what I wanted._

The thought occurred as naturally as if he'd been thinking it all along, but he hadn't. It was true though. That friendship was all he'd ever really wanted. He'd wanted to know that Lily would always be his friend, and that James would never steal her away or turn her against him. He'd wanted to be secure enough in her friendship that he could see Lily date and fall in love and even marry without resenting the person she chose. And for a while he'd had that friendship. But he hadn't believed he could keep it. He hadn't believed that someone as wonderful as her would still want to spend time with someone like him once she was with somebody popular and good-looking and popular like James Potter. So he'd become jealous and possessive, and it had grown until he'd gone and ruined it with her, and had lost even her friendship.

_Don't make my mistakes, _he told Harry silently, _hold onto that wonderful friendship. Don't ruin it like I did with mine._

He knew it was unnecessary, though. Harry was a smarter person by far than he'd been. He wouldn't make the same mistakes.

Staying to watch a little longer, Snape watched as Harry decided to get rid of the Elder Wand, and felt a rush of admiration for the incredible wisdom in this young man. And that was all he really needed to see. It was time he moved on, and left these young people to begin their brand new, hopeful lives.

When he opened his eyes, it was to discover that their group had grown a little. They had been joined by Remus Lupin and Tonks, who were talking quietly to Sirius, and by one of the Weasley twins, who looked panicky and very out of place in this calm, tranquil place.

"Where's George?" he was asking James frantically, "We promised we'd die together. I can't leave George behind. Where is he? This is just some kind of joke, isn't it? I wouldn't have died without George. It just can't happen. It's not possible. Where is he? Is he hiding somewhere? It's not funny. Come on, just tell me. Where is he?"

He paused for breath, and James took it as an opportunity to actually get a word in.

"George isn't here, Fred," he explained gently, "I'm so sorry. But he'll join us eventually, and until then you can watch him."

"I can watch him?" Fred grasped desperately onto this piece of information, "How do I watch him?"

"Just sit down and close your eyes."

Immediately, Fred sat down and screwed his eyes shut, grinning as his brother obviously came into view. Snape got the feeling he didn't intend to open his eyes again for a very long time. In fact, he wouldn't have been surprised if Fred decided to sit out the rest of his brother's life like that, living through George since he couldn't live for himself. (This was, indeed, what Fred had decided to do. He sat there for the next sixty years, watching as his twin brother got married, had children, played pranks and got old. And, although George didn't know that Fred was doing this, he lived the rest of his life with the sense that it was his duty to live twice as well so that he could live for both of them. It wasn't the same as having Fred there to actually live with him, but it was the next best thing. Years and years later, Fred was to open his eyes, stand up and go to meet his brother, and heaven help anyone who was around when the Marauders and the Weasley twins finally met and could unite in the common purpose of irritating, confusing and frustrating those around them.)

In the meantime, Snape looked around at the people he was standing with. Lily, Tonks, and the four Marauders. Not exactly the group he'd have expected to be spending the rest of eternity with, but nonetheless a very interesting group.

"We didn't exactly get off on the best foot, did we?" Lupin said ruefully, looking at Snape.

"You could say that."

"What do you say we start again?" Snape nodded, and then shook hands with all of the Marauders, while Lily watched on, grinning at the way all her friends were finally getting on. Sirius, Lupin and James then moved away a little with Peter. It seemed there were a few things they needed to talk over before they could really achieve forgiveness and become the group they had been before, but Snape had no doubt they would sort it out eventually. Something about this place just seemed to eradicate pettiness and fear and jealousy.

Left alone with Lily, Tonks having wandered off in search of Mad-Eye, he decided it was time the two of them had their own new beginning.

"James seems great," he said honestly, "And I'm glad you're happy with him. I really am, and I don't ask that you feel any more for me than you did when we were friends. Just promise me one thing."

"What?" She looked a little apprehensive.

"Promise me I'll always be your best friend." He felt like a little kid asking it, but she knew what he meant. Tears sparkled in her eyes and she nodded, before whispering a single word.

"Always."


End file.
